Healing Your Inner Child Through Play

So many of my friends have confided in me, how playing with their children leaves them, well, lost… also feeling frustrated and even a little awkward. Not to worry, cause, SAME, I have been there. Maybe we all have at one stage.

I do not feel there are many real surprises here, we are often reminded how play is the work of children. It is kids business. There was a time in all of our lives where we were pressured to ditch the play and grow up… whether we were ready or not is certainly something worthy of asking ourselves.

Everyone has an inner child. And maybe your inner child communicates with you more than you realise.

The birth of myself as a mother was just as significant as the birth of each of my children. I was all of a sudden on a monumental path of healing and personal/spiritual growth. At the beginning it was all a little hazy and I was unsure if I was ready for this healing journey or not. There was no getting out of it, all parts of myself, were brought to my consciousness through the reflections of my children.

As a child Just having big feelings was something I was denied as ‘children were seen and not heard’.

And here I was, face to face with big feelings again, but this time I was the adult and they were my children. And instead of dismissing them or ignoring them, I was down on my knees, on their level, face to face with them, right in the middle of these big feelings. Trying my best… and some times fumbling, to soothe, reassure and hold space.

I absolutely without doubt, knew I was breaking cycles, as this was one of many outdated parenting beliefs that was being left behind in my childhood.

Did these big feelings stir up big emotions in me? absolutely. And that is the point. The feelings they stirred in me, were the keys that unlocked what it was inside of me, that needed to be healed. With practice, I am now able to sit with these feelings and move beyond them by opening up to the emotions instead of ignoring them or running away from them.

I asked myself, what was it that I needed as a child? – It dawned on me that I could parent in a way which meant I was seeing and hearing my children, the way I wanted to be seen and heard as a child. By meeting their needs I was meeting my own. I was healing my own past trauma. As well as healing the generations to come by not passing it on.

One of the biggest reoccurring themes for me, was connection. Each time I looked within, my inner mini me, just wanted to play. She wanted a hug, a nice word or to just be validated.

So I got playful. I left the dishes and the attempts to control the never ending mess in the sink with the cold and dirty dishwater.

1.Surrender.

When it comes to play… surrender, us Adults, We over think way too much. It seems to be our job. Kids, they do not. That is why they say the most brutal and embarrassing things at the worst of moments. They do not overthink a thing, especially in play.

let’s rewind a few years and here is me, sitting on the floor with my first born Son, he is two and has asked me to play. He has handed me a toy car and has also gotten one for himself. He starts to push it along the floor pretending to drive it while saying, ‘brrrrrooom’. So I pick up my car drive it over it over to him and say… ‘Hello, I am mummy car. What is your name? Lets go to the shop and buy bananas for morning tea.’

“seriously?” I hear you say… “yes”. I did.

My poor child looked at me so confused, he just got up and walked out of the room, leaving ‘awkward mummy’ sitting there with a little wooden car in my hand. I will never forget it. A simple ‘brrrrrooom’ back to him, would have been suffice.

I have since learnt, if they invite me into their world, to follow their lead and play in their way. Play at their level, sure you can support their play and gently guide them if they seem a little lost, but do not intellectualise it. Play is simple and should naturally unfold. This is actually a really interesting exercise and you can learn a lot about yourself and from your children this way. It takes time initially to notice their ques, trust the process… they will give you clues, just go along with it. You may need to sit through feelings of boredom or restlessness if you are not used to slowing down this way, but once you do I promise there is magic here.

2. Listen

Listen to the voice within. Not the one in your mind that never stops, but the one of your inner child. What did you like playing and doing? what excited you and made you laugh? If you listen close enough this little voice may just tell you some play magic to share with your own children. Do not over think, If it feels a little strange or awkward to imagine opening up to your child self, trying thinking of inner child work as a process of self discovery. Once you are able to hold space for yourself you can identify ways to meet your own needs and those of your children. This is a journey back home to your heart and a journey of connection with your children. Try even writing a letter or a journal entry to your child self or even try inner child meditations. You only need to google them and you will find a huge selection. Go ahead, take your pick.

3. Acknowledge

Let’s acknowledge a few things. Firstly, you are a imperfect being attempting the impossible act of being a perfect parent. The truth is out, there are no perfect parents.

Every family has high stress areas that need acknowledgement. For me, Bedtimes can be a little hit and miss, just to name one. I fully accept this as an area we need to work on… and guess what? when I look back at bed times when I was a child, they were tricky then too. When I asked myself what I needed back then, the answer was simple. I was either not tired or I didn’t want to be alone. So if they are not ready we have quiet time, well… we try to have quiet time, and after we read our story I also snuggle in with them until they fall asleep. And it is so healing and actually really, really nice when I think about it.

4. Be Joyful

No one can be a bouncy happy bundle of joyful energy 100% of the time. But we can manage short bursts of joyful playtime, surely? can’t we?

I only just realised recently how serious I can be sometimes. And it actually makes me want to laugh out loud as I was a pretty silly, jokey kid. I remember putting on these hilarious shows, costumes and all, just to make other people laugh. Laughter served as an incredible source of love and connection for me. So I went out of my way to be funny, to learn magic tricks and write plays.

So, the fact that the universe has bestowed upon me two equally hilarious, jokey, high energy, bouncy boys is a constant reminder to loosen up a little and stop being so damn deep and serious most of the time. Maybe farts really are funny… who knows?.

5. imagination

As a child I was obsessed with the idea of magic. I whole heartedly believed in fairies, I spoke to them, sung to them and even left them out gifts. I would go on treasure hunts in my back yard. There was a garden bed at our house where a whole heap of tea cups, saucers and pots and jars were buried, and I spent hours digging them up with my hands. My fingers were sore and blackened from the soil, but my sense of wonder was full. There was a ‘rainforest’ down the end of the street, behind the park. I would slip off into the trees and inside there were secret streams with tiny fish, flowers and butterflies. There was also a peacock that would go wandering around our neighbourhood and I would often see him in the rainforest. My mum told me he was randomly, someone’s pet. I imagined he was in fact, a little girl like me who changed into this magnificent creature. I am not sure any of the adults around me saw this magic. But I did, and I know my kids see it too! What magic do you remember from your childhood? now share it with your children, tell them about it, or even re-enact your childhood adventures. Ask them about their magic while you are at it! – I bet they will surprise you.

If we take a moment to pause and really reflect on what it was like to be a kid, to truly remember and to activate and entertain that playful part of ourselves the healing that follows is life changing. All of this being said, it is important to note… I am not a fancy expert. I am just a mum who has healed a lot this way. I can not give you statistics but I can speak from my heart. And what I do know is, you and your children know best.

You have all the magic you need inside of you, and your children will be more than willing to meet you in the magical and healing world of play.

Adulthood certainly comes with plenty of responsibilities, and if we are not careful we can get so caught up we can loose ourselves entirely. Getting in touch with your playful side and enjoying small pleasures and pockets of self care is a antidote for life. If your childhood lacked positive experiences, reconnecting with your childhood magic can be the ultimate pathway back to your heart. However, If you find are really struggling, make sure you speak to a trusted friend, a therapist or a loved one. Healing is not a quick fix but a journey of many layers.

H x